President Obama wants to quit smoking, and every American will do their part to help him. By Executive order, and through legislation, Obama will begin the process of ridding the entire country of the noxious weed.
He will put an end to flavored cigarettes, and cute advertising aimed at young people, and while he's at it, he will quit smoking for the one thousand, two hundred and sixty-sixth time.
He won't say it'll be easy, but the State Department has passed on an advisory to any and all tin-pot dictators and anti-American political leaders that the most powerful man in the world, the man with his finger on the button, will possibly be a little fragile for the next several months.
As a precaution, the Air Force officer who is in charge of the "nuclear football" has been ordered to maintain a discreet distance from the President.
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