OBAMA DEALS, TALIBAN REELS, REID APPEALS

June 11, 2009

President Obama returns to the Capitol from his MidEast/European jaunt to plunge back into the fight for nationalized medicine, the housing crisis, the economy woes and increasing tensions in North Korea, Afghanistan and Pakistan, among other issues. Meeting with House Representatives who pressed the President for support for alternative energy legislation, the Obama responded, "No, thanks. My plate is full."



Disappointed House leaders were forced to wait until the President finished his lunch.

In an effort to reign in overly generous executive pay, Treasury Secretary Tiimothy Geithner and Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke have unveiled plans to regulate compensation on Wall Street. The move is the fulfillment of campaign promises by President Obama to close the gap between the rich and the rest of the citizens of the United States. Wall Streeters let the President know that they plan to redistribute their wealth themselves by eliminating campaign donations and removing gifts and perks so generously offered in the last election campaign season.

The White House is reconsidering the move and said no concrete decisions have been made as yet.

Chinese officials have denied holding New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin as collateral against massive loans made to the United States. The Chinese Ambassador to the United States assured White House officials that they have no more interest in keeping Nagin in China than residents in New Orleans have in keeping him in New Orleans.

Mayor Nagin was in China to study levees on the Yangtze River Valley. He met with Chinese engineers and politicians, discussing construction methods and diversion channels. The Chinese were especially interested in Nagin's expertise in diverting funds from levee building to casino building.

North Korea ramped up its bellicose posturing through a front-page story in the Minju Joson newspaper, threatening to use their nuclear weapons in an offensive manner should foreign armies try to invade the country. To show the world their sincerity, Pyongyang prepared to stage yet another missile launch. The test was delayed when North Korean military officials realized all they had left were two Roman candles and a Piccolo Pete.

Special Envoy Stephen Bosworth spoke at the Korea Society in New York, telling the audience that the United States has no plans to invade North Korea, but instead encourages them to rejoin the six-party talks to facilitate North Korea's re-entry into the world community. He said regime-change is a thing of the past. The U.S. would rather extend an open hand of friendship to the government of Kim Il-Jong. North Korean representatives agreed in principle, but cautioned that such things can only be taken in small, careful steps. For now, North Korea will extend only one finger at a time.

Taliban forces in Pakistan have launched a terrorist offensive following the massive Pakistani army battle in the Swat Valley last week and the popular uprising by three villages that forced Talibani into the hills. The level of violence is sure to rise in the coming weeks and many Pakistanis are bracing themselves for the degradation and privation of having to share travel accommodations with all the journalists.

Convicted "shoe bomber" Richard Reid has had to be force-fed by prison officers after having gone on a hunger strike. He began the strike to protest prison officials refusing to let him practice some tenets of his Sunni Muslim faith. The warden of Supermax prison near Denver, CO has continued to deny Reid a suicide bomb vest.