WTF HEADLINES WEEK OF MAR. 20, 2009

OBAMA SENDING MORE TROOPS TO AFGHANISTAN
And You Thought You Elected a President of Peace. HA!
President Barack Obama will be sending a total of 21,000 more troops to battle the Taliban and Al Quaida in Afghanistan this year, plus a few thousand advisors and technicians.
The move shakes the segment of his constituancy that voted for him to get the U.S. out of Iraq. In a now familiar pattern, the President is actually winding down the war in Iraq. Its just that those troops will be heading for the even more difficult battle against Afghani militants.
Suckas! You got punk'd.
DURN, NOW THAT THE ECONOMY THINGY IS FIXED, WE KIN GET ON WITH THE IMPORTANT STUFF
U.S. SENATE TO INVESTIGATE COLLEGE RANKINGS.
Senator Orrin Hatch is planning to introduce legislation to change the way the BOWL CHAMPION SERIES determines the top team rankings.
Everyone from the President on down has expressed dismay at the current method of choosing bowl game matchups.
Sen. Hatch was especially upset that Utah State was passed up by the committee last year, even though they were undefeated. The Judiciary Committee plans to introduce legislation to "rectify the situation".
In the House, Rep. Joe Barton (Texas) would introduce a law that would prevent the NCAA from calling any game a national championship that did not use a playoff system.
It seems we've elected a stunning collection of boobs, nincompoops, dumbasses, lying hypocrites and droolers. We, the voters, are our own worst enemies. (Okay, some Democratic behind the scenes manipulation and skullduggery may have contributed.)

HOLLYWOOD CASTING STOOGES
Carey as Curly? Del Toro is Moe. But SEAN PENN as Larry????
Hollywood has gone absolutely bonkers. First, they impugn the integrity of the Warren Report in JFK, then they lampoon the Bush Administration in FARENHEIT 9-11. But this is too much for any red-blooded American man- a THREE STOOGES movie, zany, slapsticky and all, starring Benicio Del Torro as Moe Howard, Jim Carey as Curly Joe Howard and of all choices- Sean Penn as Larry Fine.
Does this have disaster written all over it. WTF! I think this is some sort of pinkie-lib-glbt-Hate America kind of project to undermine the American psyche.

CURE-ALLS FOR WHAT AILS YOU-Headlines for the week of Mar.23, 2009

PREZ SEZ JES KIDDIN'

FORGET WHAT I SAID, THIS IS WHAT I'M SAYING

President Barack Obama spent the week backpeddling his dire warnings about the imminent collapse of the American economy, which has led to widespread anger and criticism of big business, big banking and almost all politicians by citizens.

The growing feeling across the country that they have been had by the cloistered wealthy/politican/banker/big businessman cabal has set an increasing number of citizen protest groups in motion, aimed at not only financial industry but the Democratic Congress, who rammed the stimulus package through without fully understanding its contents.

Revelations from leading Democrats about amendments and other details contained within the thousand-plus page economic stimulus legislation directly benefitted companies and individuals that supported them in the previous election has sent lawmakers scrambling to find a way to right-side their political stance and has sent the recipients scurrying for cover.

In an effort to dampen the furor, President Obama backed off his support for the House bill taxing AIG bonuses at a punitive 90% rate, saying it was unconstitutional (which House Republicans repeatedly said)

Apparently, now that the ball is rolling, whipping the unwashed masses into a frenzy no longer works for the Obama administration. Oy where are those Obama Zombies when you need them.

REP. FRANK COMMITS HATE CRIME

Mass. Rep. Barney Frank (Dem), during an interview with a Gay Magazine, called Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia a homophobe because of his dissenting views on a 2003 ruling on state laws re: consensual sodomy.

I am waiting for his arrest for hateful comments regarding Justice Scalia's sexual persuasion. I'm sure it is imminent.

Frank stated that elected officials, not the court, should decide matters of controversy, such as gay marriage and abortion.

Except, apparently in California, where no matter what the electoral process decides, gay rights whiners and droolers end up in front of the Supreme Court to block the will of the people.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Democratic/Liberal hypocrisy.

INDIA DICKS DETROIT

BUILDS A BETTER MOUSETRAP

The Indian auto maker TATA has announced the first truly affordable car, the Nano, designed to allow Indians to own their first car.

Costing just $1979, the five seater, 642 cc, no frills model would allow even poverty-stricken Indians to drive rather than walk or take mass transit, allowing more economic growth for the country by making it possible to build industrial sites further from the cities.

Meanwhile, in Detroit, the big three are reaching out to the U.S. Government for help to continue to build $60-100,000 monstrosities that working people cannot afford.

Hey, first automaker that builds a $2000 car in this country owns the industry.

LAUER, LANCE EAT IT ON BIKES

This week NBC host Matt Lauer and racing legend Lance Armstrong both had accidents on their bicycles. Lauer sustained bumps and scrapes, Armstrong a broken collarbone.

I told you those things were dangerous. (Although not as dangerous as snow, as the recent death of Natasha Richardson proves.) Helmets anyone?

By the way, any one else notice they look alike? Weird.

WTF Headlines of the Week

OBAMA CHANGES TUNE- ECONOMY FINE....REALLY!
After months of warnings from the White House about the seriousness of the "Bush" recession, President Obama spent this week assuring Americans that the future is looking good. No more doom and gloom talk. Whew! That was close. Now that this nasty recession/depression is over, everything is gonna be alright.

CHINESE WORRIED- IS THEIR 'INVESTMENT' SAFE?
The Chinese Government publicly wondered if their massive investment in the American economy is safe. Having purchased nearly a trillion dollars of American debt, they see no improvement in U.S. economy. President Obama publicly assured our 'investors' that there is no safer place to park their money than the United States. (And, if you would, go 'head and buy some more. No really, it's a good 'investment')

DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE INVESTIGATES SHERIFF JOE
The Department of Justice has informed Maricopa Sheriff Joe Arpaio that his department will be investigated for possible violations of certain civil rights of some of his prisoners. Currently he has 6000 illegal aliens serving or waiting for deportation in his jail.
The investigation will focus on whether the Maricopa Sheriffs Department is profiling Mexicans when looking for illegal aliens.
Well, they tried to look for Nigerians crowded around the Home Depot, but there weren't any.

GEE. IT'S NOT LIKE PROTESTING HERE, IS IT.
Oakland resident and former UC tree protester discovered that foreign countries don't always have the same kid-glove treatment of protesters that we do in California. He went to Palestine to protest against the Israeli land policies and was beaned in the head with a tear gas cannister fired from Israeli soldiers.
If he recovers, perhaps his next outing will be protesting Sharia law in Iran.

A GREAT VOICE SILENCED

Paul Harvey, the iconic radio reporter noted for his unique delivery of news and commentary has passed away.

His Midwestern voice and clear, rapid delivery remained the best on the airwaves from cool, man, cool through mod and groovy and hip and bad until today. He will be missed.